Tim Russell is in Hiding

Tim Russell is now in hiding. It is not a good idea to let your dog talk on the phone. I thought I was so smart listing our secondary phone under the dog's name and then handing it off to him when I got unwanted callers who asked for "Tim Russell". Someday I will learn that others are more practiced at absurdity than I am. Perhaps they just cannot distinquish between reality and absurdity.

A few months after I let the dog talk on the phone (see May 2007 post), he started receiving bills from a hospital. My first reaction was laugh and then I shredded the bill.

The next bill came from a collection agency. I wondered if I should respond. Will it ruin my dog's credit rating for ever if I didn't? Better yet, can I get credit cards in his name and run up the bill? Am I responsible for my dog's credit as a legal guardian or because he is under 18? I was confused.

Out of politeness and naivete, I called the collection agency to explain that the only hospital my dog had visited was Dr. Dan's, the vet and that we did not owe him anything.

Lesson one is never call a collection agency out of politeness. They almost had me in tears of frustration, trying to explain that Tim was a dog. Meanwhile, the dog was watching intently, wondering why I was repeating his name into the phone. I didn't let him talk!

Evidentally, I did not do a good job explaining, as we continued to get Tim Russell's unpaid hospital bills.

I called the hospital and explained the problem and requested that they get the collection agency off my back. The billing clerk was very kind and understanding and got a good chuckle from the mistake. She said she would correct the mistake.

Collection agencies are the Pitbulls of the money world. We continued to get threats and bills.

The phone number listed under Tim's name was a second-ring line that was rarely used so I disconnected the service. Of course that did not stop the bills.

I wrote nasty letters to the collection agency. That did not help.

Finally we moved (truthfully, it was unrelated to Tim Russell's $165.00 bill). I did not request Tim Russell's mail be forwarded! Our new phone is not in his name.

As a last ditch attempt to stop the collection agency harassment, I sent a copy of my dog Tim's AKC registration, and a copy of his latest paid vet bill to the collection agency.

I have not heard from them since.